Abandon you for the truth

I spent up my youth
where I wish I was now
but I deserted my silence
with publicity sirens-
who spread shameful secrets
to be strong without regrets
but oh how I regret

If I could rewrite my name I'd take the first my mother intended
but I accept the next.

Am I clinging to your beauty, trying to make it my own?
You say I need to repossess and I struggle almost every day.